Article By Alicia Anderson:: Guest Blogger
Over the weekend, I saw Lifetime’s With This Ring.
Instantly, I identified with Trista, played by “Think Like A Man” actress Regina Hall. She woke up after a night of drinking, in bed with her ex.
She felt horrible for allowing a man who did her wrong to fornicate with her, again.
I know what it feels like to take that walk of shame.
The film, based on the bestselling book, “The Vow” by Angela Burt-Murray, Mitzi Miller and former New York Daily News reporter Denene Miller, took me back to the days I am not so proud to revisit. But I must talk about them for the sake of a struggling sister (or brother) who still might be there.
Once upon a time, I was notorious for making bad sexual choices and simply blaming it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol.
I wanted to be loved so badly that I had no self-respect.
I’ll admit that there were times I’d had too much to drink and did some stupid things I didn’t want or mean to do. There were other moments when I wanted to do those things I shouldn’t do and simply used being “tipsy” as a convenient excuse.
I needed to realize that my self-worth was not wrapped up in a man. Before recognizing that fact, I found myself wrapped up in various men’s sheets, feeling embarrassed and angry at myself the next day.
Some of the scenarios I lived through of my own doing still make me shake my head.
In the Lifetime movie, Trista’s one-night-stand was with an ex who didn’t bother to tell her that he was engaged to be married to another woman.
Even if he wasn’t tied to another woman, what she was looking for at the bottom of a bottle or in the arms of a man who didn’t truly love her, could not be found in either of those places.
I know. I’ve been there.
While I cannot vouch for all of the messages, images and language in With This Ring, I will say, there was an essential takeaway. That is, you need to be content as an individual before desperately seeking out a relationship.
For years, I was broken and thought a man would heal that. I felt like the only way I could truly be happy was if I was on someone’s arm—someone who was claiming me—even if he was dogging me on the side.
I was lost. I couldn’t find myself. I didn’t know I was worthy of real, devoted love.
So how did I break out of my own cycle of bad sexual choices?
I got a real reality check when I learned the man I thought was going to marry me was cheating on me repeatedly with numerous women. I believed I had hit rock bottom. But really, that painful experience helped me get up out of the shameful situation I was in for too long.
Not too long after, I did meet a man.
His name is Jesus.
He took me in His arms and held me.
He loves me unconditionally.
He sees my flaws and still believes I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
He gave His very life for me.
He is my groom and I am His bride.
And with His stripes, I am healed of every hurt of my past and all the brokenness that kept me bound to bad sexual habits and life choices.
Best of all, I didn’t have to chase after Him and beg Him to love me.
He fell in love with me first, even when I wasn’t thinking about Him. And when I was ready, I invited Him into my heart. Since that time, He has continuously assured me, He will never leave nor forsake me.
It wasn’t until after meeting Him that I could say, for the first time in my life, I am truly happy.
Alicia Anderson is a Christian social worker and family counselor who writes, speaks and commits her life to the emotional, spiritual and social well-being of others.
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To learn how to better value yourself, uphold your standards and resist sexual compromise, get your copy of Dianna Hobbs' best-selling book The New A-list: Abstinence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder, now available on Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com, and Booksamllion.com.
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