Living the Promiscuous Life: 10 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me

Article By Ashley Peterson

No one ever told me to honor and respect my body. I didn’t have a book like The New A-list by Dianna Hobbs to read to cultivate a mindset in me to say no to premarital sex.

My mother wasn’t saved. She had me at 17 and there were men constantly coming and going.

When my mother threw her parties, the grown folks got drunk and I watched them kissing and groping each other in our smoke-filled living room. All the bumping and grinding didn’t really make me uncomfortable though. I assumed it was just what adults did at parties. How could I know any differently?

One time, one of my mother’s boyfriends came through. I was around six (or maybe eight) at the time. I was supposed to be in bed but all the loud, booming music kept me awake.

I slipped into the front room wearing my favorite white nighty. I was holding my one-eyed Teddy Bear I named Tate. I used to think he could protect me. So Tate and I slid quietly between the sofa and big plant in the corner. Nobody noticed me. It was kind of dark in there.

This guy started kissing my mother and she pushed him away. I couldn’t stand him. He was very mean to her all the time. He cussed her out and called her names, but she would always be extra sweet to him anyway.

At the party I couldn’t hear what these two were saying. I just saw them struggling back and forth. She was trying to pull away from him. He wouldn’t let her loose. After the tussle, he put his hand around her neck.

Ooh I wanted to jump on his back, but I knew I would get in some serious trouble for being up, so I kept on watching.

A little bit later they disappeared into the bedroom, which was their pattern.

Fight and make up.

Fight and make up.

Fight and make up.

This went on and on.

Experiences like that made me believe the only way to keep a man happy was to give him what he wanted, when he wanted it.

My mother had so many new boyfriends. They never stayed so there was a lot of traffic in and out of our lives from all the men she dated.

Some were nice. Others were terrible. I just wanted her to settle down and find me a real father who would stay, but that never happened.

It wasn’t until I was grown that my mother explained her love life and sexual habits. She was molested by one of her older male cousins from ages five to eleven, which made her feel worthless she told me.

All those years I resented her. I thought she loved those random dudes more than she did me. But she didn’t love herself.

I didn’t know that.

I felt like she should have taught me more about being a woman and respecting myself, but she could not give me that. No one had given it to her.

My promiscuous lifestyle, in my head, was her fault. I believed this for the longest time. I was living out the cycles I saw growing up.

The only thing my mom really ever told me about sex was “Don’t bring no babies in my house, because I don’t have no money for no extra mouths to feed!”

That was it.

So keeping my cookies in the jar wasn’t a priority for me.

I “sowed my wild oats” and blamed her for my choices.

But I had to get free from that. I could not burden her with what I did.  I had to accept responsibility for my actions and learn how to forgive myself for past mistakes.

With God’s help, I have grown a lot.

Although there are many things I wish somebody would have told me, since no one did, I tell others what could help prevent them from making the mistakes I did.

Here are 10 things:

1. God loves you.

2. You are worthy of love.

3. You are beautiful.

4. You deserve to be treated with respect.

5. You don’t have to give your body away to keep a man happy.

6. If he loves you he’ll wait.

7. If he’s not willing to wait, let him go, because if sex is the only thing keeping him, he’s not worth keeping.

8. Sex and love are not the same thing. Don’t get the two confused.

9.  Temptation will come, but through Christ you have the power to fight back.

10. You will feel so much more freedom by honoring yourself and saying no to premarital sex.

Do you have anything to add to this list? I'd love to hear it! Give me your feedback in the comments section if you'd like.

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To learn how to better value yourself, uphold your standards and resist sexual compromise, get your copy of Dianna Hobbs' best-selling book The New A-list: Abstinence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder, now available on Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com, and Booksamllion.com.

Comments

[tricia]

Yeah everyones not doing it. I had the pleasure of not being chosen because i gave my cookies away. So im not a bride and those that waaited God gave the prize. I did it not because i was so into sex, but bc my 'friends' 'said' they were doing it. Which alot of the times is a lie. A lie i believed. And bc sex is addictive instead of focusing on my studies i didnt do as well in school. So everyone isnt doing it and being accepted shouldnt be about how much experience you had. The more promiscious you are its HARDER to be in a relationship later. So tge same devil that tells you to give it up...is the one who rejects you after you do, and claims you as unclean. Make sure you have godly friends

[CH]

I waited and I'm still waiting at 27 so I wouldn't say that God is withholding your husband because you gave your cookies away. We don't serve that type of God. If you have asked for forgiveness and truly have tried to walk in the right direction, God will honor your commitment at the right time, the BEST time. Focus on getting closer to God at this time. He longs to help you fight off those negative thoughts of being unclean and so forth.

[Ganise]

Heartbreaking story. Beautiful lessons and reminders. Thank you so much for sharing.

[Elizabeth]

I gave my life to Christ when I was 22 years old and a single mother. I married at the age of 42 and now, at 49, I am looking at divorce. I am writing this because there is a very important lesson I learned in the past 7 years (and am still learning). There is the Permissive Will of God and the Perfect Will of God. The Permissive Will of God is our exercise of our Free Will (even as Christians) and involves making choices that may not be the best that God has for us. I chose my husband instead of allowing God to bring my husband to me. Actually I never surrendered that part of my life to God fully. I hoped to marry but I shunned allowing God to fulfill that desire in my heart. As a result I found myself in a bad relationship, that, had I listened to the Holy Spirit, I would have not necessarily been in. Thank God for grace and mercy. Divorce is hard, but moving forward I endeavor to trust God with all aspects of my life. I would rather trust God than make that mistake again. And I encourage anyone, who is a Christian and desires to marry, to TRUST GOD with that part of your life. He may not come when you want, but God is faithful, and if that natural desire is in you, He will honor it. Allow God to be your Husband until He presents His choice to you. You will not regret it. The Joy of the Lord is our strength!