Article By Dianna Hobbs:: The New A-list Author
Her face was red and the tears flowed down her cheeks. Usually bubbly and chipper, seeing this young woman that I have known for a long time, in such a state, let me know something was very wrong. Something had happened.
I was about to find out what it was.
Before the whole picture became clear, I got a call out of the blue. She said she desperately needed to talk and it was very serious.
Just moments after meeting up and saying hello, she broke down bawling, calling herself stupid and telling me she regretted a decision she had made.
This intelligent, kind-hearted person fell for a playboy.
I knew who he was and had previously told her not to go that direction, because I didn’t think it was in her best interest.
Nevertheless, I have been around long enough to know that if someone is not ready to hear the truth, you cannot make them heed the truth. Occasionally, they must go through the school of hard knocks to learn the lessons that will help them improve.
In between sobs, she confessed that even though she “knew how he was,” she was attracted to this person. They had sex multiple times. Unfortunately, she was hoping to change him.
Bad idea.
All those hopes came crashing down when, one day, she paid him a surprise visit. Yep, she popped up on Mr. Player. Through his bedroom window, she spotted him having a roll around in the sheets with another woman.
Her heart and esteem were bruised.
She was mad at herself for ignoring the warning signs.
I remember hugging her that day and just letting her cry it out. She was so broken up about it.
I hear stories like this over and over again from people—some that I know well and others that I meet while traveling—and it breaks my heart.
Listen to me my friend.
As a single person making a commitment to abstinence, you cannot knowingly engage in relationships with individuals I call “risk factors” for wrongdoing.
Take their character into consideration.
Take things slow in the relationship. Pay attention to whether or not they keep their word. See if they are serious about knowing God and getting to know you—or are they just interested in that one forbidden thing?
Sex.
Reputation is very important.
That doesn't mean you have to believe everything you hear and try to chase down rumors about people. No, that's not wise. But if warnings are coming from several different directions, don’t overlook them. Proverbs 15:22 KJV says, “Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellers they are established.”
I’m reminded of another more recent occurrence.
There were two young women sitting right next to me at an outing and they were talking about a “no good dude” they both knew.
Since the place we were in was very crowded, there were no open spaces and it felt like we were all virtually piled on top of each other.
Nearly shoulder to shoulder, any time anyone said anything, pretty much everyone in the room was within earshot—even if they didn’t want to be.
That’s how I overheard two friends openly discussing this mystery man’s history of having “had sex with over 100 girls” and yet, one of them was actively texting the promiscuous guy.
“Is that him right now?” asked one of the friends with a scowl.
“Yeah girl,” replied the other.
I could see her in my peripheral view pushing buttons on her smartphone, presumably responding to his text message.
“What is he saying?” her confused friend asked. “And why are you even texting him if you know he ain’t about nothing?”
That was a great question, which confirmed my initial presumption.
She was really going back and forth with someone she knew had no noble intentions.
Please, don’t make this mistake.
You are too special, important and worthy of love to mindlessly wander into a relationship you know has great potential to get you hurt.
That is not to say it can always be avoided either, though.
I know there are times when everything seems to be on the “up-and-up” with a person so to speak and they turn out to be a disappointment.
Happens to the best of us.
If you read my book, The New A-list, you know I was dumped on the side of the road by an ex-boyfriend on our way to the movies. There were no warnings.
Hey, sometimes it happens like that.
But then there are moments when a bunch of red flags go up. Like Hansel and Gretel’s bread crumbs, there are a whole trail of cues to lead you to the truth: they are no good for you.
If you know you’re dealing with a man (or woman) of ill repute, with a verifiable reputation for sleeping around or dating multiple people at once, don’t view them as a serious potential dating partner.
As a matter of fact, if you are looking to settle down, they don’t even deserve a text back.
Why waste your time?
That is not to say people cannot change, because they can. But if someone is actively playing the field, don’t jump into the huddle and give them permission to play you.
Stay strong. The right one will come along.
Your Abstinence Coach,
Dianna Hobbs
To learn how to better value yourself, uphold your standards and resist sexual compromise, get your copy of Dianna Hobbs' best-selling book The New A-list: Abstinence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder, now available on Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com, and Booksamllion.com.
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