Today I'm smiling, not because everything is perfect, but because God has shown His goodness and faithfulness in the midst of it all.
So much has happened since the last time I was able to greet you through this blog. You can't imagine how much I missed communicating with you! But, before I share my testimony in today's post (which will be a pretty lengthy one), can I just tell you how much I love and thank God for you? I'm still trying to catch up on all the emails, facebook messages, and voice mails expressing love and concern for me during my ordeal.
You have touched my heart so deeply that I don't think I will ever be able to articulate the depth of my appreciation. You have uplifted and and inspired me with your sincere compassion, gifts, cards, flowers, care packages, and numerous gestures of kindness.You are indeed my family.
Although I would love to be able to report that all is amazing and I feel 100% better, that wouldn't be entirely true. I'm still recovering from a pretty bad break in my left wrist and subsequent surgery to insert a metal plate and screws. I'm in rehabilitation to regain full function in my wrist and fingers; even though typing is uncomfortable, my therapist suggested that I tap away at my computer keyboard as a way to strengthen my weakened limbs. Because of the discomfort, posting a brand new blog after two months is bitter-sweet.
Even through the pain, however, I cannot complain, especially since I went into cardiac arrest after what should have been a fairly routine surgical procedure. I almost died, literally. After the surgery was complete, doctors said I woke up crying out in pain and my body suddenly began going into shock. Although I could barely see, I could clearly hear a nurse saying, "Calm down. You're going into shock. I need you to calm down and breathe."
I tried to breathe. I tried so hard. But I could feel my breath leaving my body. "God please don't let me die," I pleaded. I knew something was wrong. I could feel it. I saw the faces of my four children flash before me. And then, I heard myself take three final shallow breaths.
After that, my heart rate shot up to 180 beats per minute--a normal heart rate is only 80 beats per minute. We had a serious problem.
When I reflect back on it all, I still don't know why I could hear everything that was going on. It was almost like an out-of-body experience. When a frantic voice shouted out "We've got a Code Blue!" I remember thinking (even while I was supposedly unconscious) "I know they can't be talking about me!"
Then...everything went black. I could no longer hear.
But, they were, in fact, talking about Mrs. Dianna Hobbs. They were preparing to roll my bed out into another room where they could shock my heart with the defibrillator. But they never got the opportunity to do it, because God intervened, restored my breathing, and regulated my heartbeat.
The next thing I remember is opening my eyes and through blurred vision, seeing a pair of distraught eyes looking back at me. A nurse, who was tightly clasping my right hand as I fought to maintain consciousness, begged me to breathe and stay awake.
But my eyes and whole body seemed so heavy. I drifted in and out.
Desperate to keep me from slipping away again, my doctors did all they could to keep me from falling asleep. It was much too dangerous. So finally, they called my sweet husband Kenya. I was ecstatic to see him! I wanted to talk to him, but couldn't form the words. His face brought me comfort, yet I struggled to set my gaze upon him through weary eyes. I could hear his strong and gentle voice saying, "Baby, it's me. You've gotta wake up honey." He stroked my head tenderly, telling me he wanted me to go home so I could be with him and our children. I wanted the same thing, but yet, Kenya's words did nothing to jolt me out of my sleepy haze. In fact, the nurses eventually asked him to leave, fearing that the touch of the man I love so deeply, was far too soothing.
My husband of thirteen years and best friend brought me serenity and relaxation, the opposite of what the doctors wanted.
Nothing they tried was effective. But God, who is able to do all things, suddenly snapped me out of my drug-induced stupor.
When I finally came to myself, my limp body was resting on a nurse who was trying her best to prop me up on my feet. Her words, which sounded muffled at first, slowly formed cohesive sentences in my ears. "Come on Mrs. Hobbs, stand up," she said with her arms wrapped around my waist. "It's no use. She's out," I heard my nurse tell her colleague in a dejected tone before realizing I was really awake this time. It took me about an hour after that to fully regain my composure and stabilize enough to learn what had taken place.
Apparently, the nurses had pumped me with far too many narcotics in an effort to ease my post-op pain. My body just couldn't take it. For a full five minutes, they lost me. "You gave us quite the scare," the nurses told me. "You should have seen all the doctors surrounding your bed!"
What they didn't know is that the angels of the Lord were also there encamped round about me, otherwise you could be reading my obituary rather than my testimony.
Once I left the hospital, I had no idea how difficult my recovery would be. I was so weak after nearly dying. I couldn't walk or eat. On top of that, I was allergic to my pain medication and broke out in hives everywhere. The doctors changed my medication five times, but never found anything that didn't cause complications. The medication designed to help me made me sicker and sicker. For weeks I was unable to care for myself. My strength was so depleted, some days I could do nothing but lie in bed and stare blankly.
In the wee hours of the morning, when the pain and sickness felt unbearable, I would cry and cry. Helpless and hurting, with no relief in sight, I sincerely felt forsaken. Though Kenya would hold me and pray for me, he could not take away my pain.
But God kept me.
And He's continually keeping me as I grow stronger daily.
There is another surgical procedure my doctors want to do because I happen to fall into the small percentage of people who suffer from a rare complication. My first surgery, which was designed to heal my arm more quickly, did indeed correct the broken bone. But my tendons are so damaged, that my wrist won't move backward and forward. I suffered nerve damage also, which took away the feeling in three of my five fingers.
Doctors say there is a possibility that I will never have normal function in my left hand and arm if this final procedure doesn't work.
But I don't receive that.
I don't believe that I'll never be able to pick my children up again, play catch with them, or extend my hand without it quivering from lack of strength. I believe God is a healer and with time, rehabilitation, and patience, all will be well.
Furthermore, I am confident that the same God who will fully restore my health and wholeness, will bring my mother through her storm. Last week-end I found out my mom, Annie, was diagnosed with Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma, which is a form of Breast Cancer.
I wept bitterly when my sisters came to my house and awoke me from a deep sleep to deliver the news.With all that I have been confronting over the past couple months, learning that my mom would have to battle Breast Cancer, felt like a knock-out punch.
But, by the grace of God, I'm still standing.
He has given me supernatural peace and joy in the midst of it all. So if you happen to see me, if you've read my blog, you will know I'm going through a test. But if you look at my face, you'll see a genuine smile that flows out of a heart of thanksgiving.
I can truly say, after everything I've been through and am yet facing, my confidence in God's faithfulness and sovereignty remains firm. There is a scripture that perfectly captures my sentiments today. It says, "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." (Psalm 27:13 NIV)
Perhaps you are also in the midst of a season of hardship. I know it's not easy and the storm doesn't always blow over right away. But the thing I love about God is that He is faithful to ride through every storm with us.
When we are at our weakest point, He won't let us fall. Rather, He will step right in and undergird us with His strength.
Today, I want you to internalize this scripture that has been ministering to me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 reads, "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
I thank God for sparing my life. And I intend to spend it serving Him with every fiber of my being. At this moment, I encourage you to make the following declaration with me: "My life will not be just another sad story, but a manifestation of God's glory!"
TODAY'S PRAYER: God, I know that loving You and living for You does not preclude me from facing hardship in life. So instead of focusing on the why behind my trial, I want to take this moment to thank You for keeping me through it all. Thank You for sparing my life; preserving my mind; encouraging me through feelings of hopelessness; giving me peace and joy; and empowering me to walk out this journey of faith with full confidence that You are with me. Everyday, even when I feel low, Lord remind me that this test will some day become a testimony, and that You will get glory out of my life. And for this I thank you. In Jesus' name, Amen.
AN ENCOURAGING SONG: By the way, for all my Daily Cup readers going through a tough spot right now, here's an uplifting song that has been encouraging my heart, and reminding me to smile through it all. Be sure to really listen to the words. They'll bless you!
I love you and I'm so glad to be back.
