As a mother of 4, I know what it means to fall in love. From the moment I laid eyes on each of my children, both my husband and I were smitten. We never wanted any harm to come to them. Yet, we know it is impossible to shield them from life's ups and downs.
They have to fall, experience pain, and learn difficult life lessons, just as we did. Still, I hate seeing them suffer in any way. As you all know, my little 4-year-old, Kaleb, has been toughing it out with this yucky cold. That old stubborn bug still hasn't gone away, but he's doing a lot better now. By the way, thanks to those of you who emailed me to see how he's progressing. Although Kaleb is a bit congested still, his cough and stuffiness is slowly going away. He'll be good as new in no time.
Today, he walked over to me sniffling, handed me a piece of Kleenex and said, "I need to blow mommy." Now, typically, Kaleb is very independent--much more independent than I prefer, in fact. But, during his weakest moments while wrestling this latest virus, I've been pretty much at his beck and call. I think he's gotten used to that quickly!
So, as he stood dangling the Kleenex, before I got a chance to say anything, 7-year-old Kedar looked up and interjected himself into the conversation. "Kaleb, you have to learn how to blow your own nose," he instructed his baby brother. "Because when you're an adult, you can't ask your wife to do it for you. You have to learn." I laughed out loud. Kedar was 100% serious!
Somehow, I think Kaleb will be very well-versed in nose-blowing by the time he's exchanging nuptials with his bride. In fact, he blew his own nose after Kedar offered up such sage advice. Kids are so funny.
Even though I found Kedar's point humorous, it was still a very valid one, from which I drew this principle. When we're assisting those we care about--whether they are our children, other family members, close acquaintances, or individuals we feel called to minister to-- we have to do so with the understanding that we won't always play that role in their lives. At some point, we have to love them enough to let go; let them learn on their own; and allow them to experience the world--both good and bad.
There must be a weaning away that happens over time, as not to drain ourselves, or stunt that person's growth. For example, I nursed all 4 of my children. But, when it was time for them to graduate to solid food, I had to wean them, because my milk didn't have enough nutrients to sustain them any longer. They didn't enjoy the transition, but eventually, they each adjusted to the change.
Interestingly, I find that life with my children, as well as those I feel privileged to help along the way, is a continual weaning process. I have to restrain myself from doing things for them, that they are well able to do for themselves. I know that if I don't exercise wisdom and restraint, those I love will never develop into healthy, mature, functional individuals. I will stagnate their growth. And I would never want to do that.
So, this year, I want you take this lesson with you as you avail yourself to all the people you hold dear in your life. It's alright to be a shoulder to lean on; a support system; a listening ear; a lender from time-to-time; and a nurturer to those in need. But, be careful not to allow your helpfulness to become detrimental to yourself and others. None of us has the power to be all things, to all people, all the time, nor should we try.
Yes, we love them. Yes, we care about their well-being. Yes, we open ourselves up to pray for them, and even hold their hand when necessary. But, no, we do not shield them from all of life's pain, suffering, and struggle. After all, if they never experience brokenness in their lives, they will never learn what it truly means for God to make them whole again.
TODAY'S PRAYER: God, I pray that You will help me to be more balanced this year. I never want to become so invested in the life of someone else, that I hinder their ability to grow and develop, and drain myself in the process. Please show me how to express my love and compassion for others, while never standing in the way of their maturation process. Above all, as I let go, help me to rest in knowing that You, oh God, are faithful to walk with them through every test. In Jesus' name, Amen.
