Stop allowing people to twist your arm into doing things you don't want to do. Learn how to assert yourself and be honest with others about your true feelings. I mentioned this same issue in a previous post, yet I think it bears repeating.
All too often we get stuck in situations we despise, because we won't go against the grain. We value the opinions of others more than ourselves. One of my favorite authors, Stephen Covey says, learn how to give "a pleasant no." Isn't that sound advice? I mean, sometimes you need to put a nice smile on your face and just say "no." Don't make excuses for it. Don't throw out "fifty-leven" disclaimers. Just tell folks, flat out no.
If you're one of those people who suffers from the "disease to please," this particular post might not sit well we you. So, you make sure you keep reading . . . if it bothers you, you need to hear it. (I know I ain't gone get no help right thur.)
Many people force their desires on us and we continually bend to their wills, too fearful of rejection to refuse. Why not do something that makes you happy for a change? Last time I checked, there was no law against it. What's the worst that can happen? Uh . . . let's see. Perhaps, a few manipulators would drop off the scene; a couple of "play cousins" wouldn't speak to you anymore; a bunch of fair-weather friends would, more than likely, abandon you. So what! It'll be their loss. Really, think about how refreshing it would be to be free of all the phonies in your life.
That's why I say, it's really not a loss at all. See, you have to know the difference between a friend and a manipulator. Friends love and accept you for your individuality. Manipulators try to stomp out your individuality and make you a conformist. They want you to do things their way. And that's not God's will for your life.
Unfortunately, manipulators can't be satisfied. They have an insatiable appetite for control. So, stop trying to convince yourself that "If I go ahead and do it this time, they'll be happy." No they won't. Because there'll be a next time, and another next time, and another next time, and so on and so forth.
Then, before you can effectively process the situation, you'll be so engrossed in their expectations, you'll lose yourself. And I know you don't want to do that.
So, how does this happen and why? Well, on a fundamental level everyone needs to belong — to feel connected with others and be with others who share attitudes, interests, and circumstances that resemble their own. People choose friends who accept them and see them in a favorable light. As a result, if you have not learned how to function independent of people's approval, you'll fall into this trap.
You'll slip into placation mode. Consequently, you'll subvert your own desires, in order to please your manipulators. Hmmm . . . now let that soak in. As a matter of fact, I think I’ll stop right here and let you chew on this one for a while.
Until next time . . . may you be empowered to prosper.
Dianna Hobbs
